I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
