I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
