I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
