Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
