everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
