alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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