i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
