i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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