Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
