drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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