She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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