So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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