shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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