Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
