he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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