yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need to calm my uterus...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
