Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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