just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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