chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
sarcasm needs its own font
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
