Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
