When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
