New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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