sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
