Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
