Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
