Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
