what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What a dumb baby whore.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
