Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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