I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
