sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
