My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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