I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
