you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
