thus making me awesome and them whores
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
