All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
