Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
