i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
