Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
