I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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