porn star boner night. come get it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
