i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
