I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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