Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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