Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
