In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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