dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
