I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want to make out with him forever
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
