I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
His nipple licking is glorious
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