why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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