My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
