You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
