you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
