census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
